Why can't we marry ourselves?

Sometimes, i kept thinking, why can't i marry someone who is more like me? or exactly me?

wouldn't life be much more easier, more fun, more adventure, more fantastic to be living with another person who thinks, talks, eats, socialises just like you?

deep inside me, i really wanted to be with someone who is like me. so that i won't have to question my other half (that is myself) on why i do this, why i do that.

but thinking it objectively, seriously, living with another me, would drain more energy out of me. i mean, first i have awesome ideas and i want the whole family to participate. then my other half, who is like me too, would have another awesome idea and would also want the whole family to participate. in the end, both of us would spend 200% of our energies to make our life wholesome. haha

so i realised, it is indeed a necessity, a blessing, an answer, a mystery too, to be married to someone who is your opposite. and in my case, my extremeeeeeeee opposite. how exciting is that?

my life is nothing short of drama. it is full of excitement. and it comes only from one person. okay, now two. little R is full of excitement as well. hehe.

so this is me, feeling grateful that it is M i marry. not that he is perfect, but he makes me work. me makes my brain work. i learn to understand another person. another character. another strong character that is.

and truth to be told, he makes me discover my ugly side. i keep thinking that i was so great, that i shouldn't be giving in to all this. but in reality, whatever negative side of his that i see, i can only see it because it is in me.

Have you guys thought of that?

those negative elements may not be obvious to you that i lies in you, but the very fact you could see it, pre-empt it, suspect it, is because u have a stint of it in you. and the moment we try to navigate, to moderate, to negotiate with your other half, you would realise that you are doing this for yourself too. your inner self.

so, thank you M. you make me whole.

thank you God.

this is me signing of, feeling grateful for having a tough man in my life. heheh.

love, R

100 days old

little R at the park, thinking

Nur Ryan is 100 days old!
happy 100 days baby!
happy 100 days being mummy, RH!

today lil R woke up early. maybe he knows he turns 100 days today. All excited. bathed and all dressed up by 8am. awesome! another morning person in the making. i hope you grow big and strong and macho and brilliant and awesome. and i hope you won't become a mummy's boy.

now wait, but if your mummy is me, then pls be my boy. Coz your mummy is awesome and amazing and adventurous and curious and sensitive and of course, brilliant. :D

so be a mummy's boy, Nur Ryan!

should anyone wonders how manja it is to put this lil guy into bed, just imagine carrying a 5kg beras with three 1kg sugar packs, and carry it the way you would a baby. Add the crying and whimpering, the kicks of short legs, and u singing for at least 5mins (up to 2hrs on a 'good' day) there you go. that's how i got really huge arms now. heheh

Crushed Ego

Tonight, i just realised that my ego is as huge as the Eiffel Tower.

I felt abandoned.

M was invited for dinner, by Big Boss S (BBS). I was invited too.

Other guests are Big Boss from a neighbouring country, and an ex Big Boss who is a political appointee. Other guests are 2 teenage cyclists from back home. Touring this continent, on bicycle. Other guests are everybody's spouses. Every single one, except me. Even the secretary is going.

The reason for me not going?

We could ask no one to take care of little R. Well, i doubt M asked anyone. He wanted to ask the driver's wife. But the driver already has 3 young kids and the youngest is only a year older than R.

M didn't call the babysitter company. coz he knows we both won't fancy strangers taking care of R.

So he made the call. Decided that Mummy R is not going.

and here i am feeling crushed. i felt left out. i felt hey, even the secretary is going, and here i am, being useless and unneeded, had to stay at home and care for lil R. of whom i have cared like all the time btw.

and so i cried. i felt like shit.

M said he wasn't all too excited about going to the dinner. yeaaaahhh, right. Action speaks louder than words. That's all i can say.

I cried and cried, looking for an answer within me, wonder why it hurts so bad?

I realized that it was my ego that has been crushed. I felt useless and unneeded.

I know, every single thing has a time and a place to happen. I just wonder why is this happening to me, and why now?

God knows. Time will tell.

Until then,

I shall wait.

A New Beginning

So a new life has begun. 

- being married (since March 2013)
- being a mom (since August 2014)
- being 'job-less' (since March 2013)
- no longer being paid for work (since May 2013)
- no longer using my brain for anything, except cooking and the once-in-awhile maths questions

this is of course, ladies and gentlemen, not my first blog, and perhaps won't be my last :)

this is a new blog of which i decided to rant about this 'exciting' (yaawwwwwnnnnn) new life that i am in. 

so cheers and welcome back to my life!

image from : http://www.medicaltourismcroatia.com

p/s: I wish i was at the coast, and this is how the Croatian coast looks like. Cantik kan? :)